The Setup

A common strategy after a breakup and before a court hearing is for one parent to withhold the children and claim, with no basis, that the other parent should be professionally-supervised. If there is no real reason for a demand for professional supervision, it is naturally an offensive and distasteful suggestion.

Do it. No one messes up professionally-supervised visitation. Legitimate professional supervisors document each visit with a report, and some of them take photos to complement their report. The other parent has effectively created an expert witness for you for court who will say, You behaved appropriately at all times, The child enjoyed each visit, At the end of each visit the child resisted returning to the other parent and asked for more time with you. The supervisor’s reports will be admissible evidence for the hearing. It will be worth every dollar spent.

If you refuse to see your child or children simply because the other parent’s proposed terms or restrictions are offensive, you will unnecessarily raise questions in the mind of the judge about your parenting and judgment. Don’t not see your kids. If the other side is unreasonable, it does not mean that you agree to their terms for court by exercising even the minimum time available to you. Not visiting with your children is more likely to be held against you than temporarily going through supervised visitation or some other conditions for your access to the children.

Gather your financial information. Everything. Debts, tax returns, investment accounts, property deeds and titles, and receipts. Organize it all by date, name, and put it in folders on a USB flash drive or in a Dropbox folder for your lawyer. Remain open to the idea that no matter how much you produce, you may have to gather and disclose more.

Discovery is an important process of every lawsuit that can take on a life of its own. At lawyer conventions, lawyers talk about how much money they make on discovery fights. Most of it is unnecessary if you are transparent with your information.

By putting your information together for disclosure, you and your lawyer can focus on what you really need from the other side and third parties, and you can hone in on settlement negotiations and trial preparation.

If you do not put your information together and rely on your lawyer and experts to find it, you will triple the length of your case and its cost.

Don’t stop working if employment is an option for you. Unemployment rarely improves a child support or support alimony claim. If you are in contested litigation, there is almost never enough cash, so you will need all that you can get. If you are seeking spousal support, by not working you will raise questions about how much you really need and how much you will need if and when you find employment. If you are not working and not seeking employment, you make it easy for the other side to claim that you are lazy or merely looking for an unfair windfall. If you are working, you can show that you are making your best effort and still need financial support.

If you owned property or a business before the marriage, you cannot take anything for granted. You need a trial lawyer and you need an expert. Your soon-to-be ex spouse has at least three viable angles of attack to claim your premarital property: 1. Claim you “did something” during the marriage with your premarital property to make it marital, 2. Claim they or you expended effort during the marriage that enhanced the premarital property in a way that makes the increase in value (the enhancement) divisible, and 3. Claim your otherwise separate property should be used to pay them alimony. These are all legitimate legal claims and you will need to make a strong defense. They are also not mutually-exclusive, so your spouse may make a claim for enhancement and alimony from the rest of your share. We have seen people take it for granted that their premarital property will remain separate so they make bad decisions about who to hire as legal counsel and not to hire an expert, then they end up with an expensive mess at the end. Don’t let that be you.

If you have a financial claim such as spousal support or damages due to injuries to you, hire appropriate, qualified experts as early as possible. Do not take shortcuts in building your case. If you say, “I’ll do it later,” you are signaling that it doesn’t really mean that much to you. The more time and effort you spend on the front end, even before your lawsuit is filed, the better your position will be for mediation and trial.

If your case has a court-appointed individual such as a Guardian Ad Litem (Attorney Ad Litem), get in touch and stay in touch with them. Introduce yourself by email with all your contact information and provide your meeting availability. If you have third party collaterals (witnesses) that they need to interview, send over their contact information and availability too, and provide the expert’s contact information to each of the collaterals. Make it as easy as possible for that expert to reach you and your witnesses. If you or your witnesses do not hear back, call and leave a message and follow up with an email confirming that you called and confirming your contact information.