RED ALERT II: Your Home is Watching. A Critical Guide to Securing Smart Devices and Shared Access During a Divorce

Going through a divorce is one of life’s most stressful and emotionally draining experiences. Amid the turmoil of dividing assets, arranging custody, and planning for an uncertain future, a new and insidious threat has emerged within the very walls of the family home. The same “smart” technology installed for convenience and security—video doorbells, security cameras, smart thermostats, and voice assistants—can be weaponized by a former partner for surveillance, harassment, and intimidation.

In a marriage, shared access to these systems is normal. But the moment a separation begins, this interconnectedness transforms into very real vulnerability. For the unwary, an ex-spouse, now a legal adversary, may retain silent, undetected access to a live feed of your daily life. They can potentially monitor your comings and goings, observe your private conversations, and even track the development of new relationships. An ex-partner may even remotely adjust thermostats, flicker lights on and off, and manipulate smart speakers.

In our first alert, we stressed the importance of securing your digital communications, an act we compared to “changing the locks on your house”. In the 21st century, the very definition of a “lock” has changed. The Wi-Fi password is a lock. The administrator account for your security cameras is a lock. The keypad code for your garage door is a lock. Failing to change these digital and electronic locks leaves your home’s front door metaphorically wide open, even if the physical deadbolt has been changed. An ex can be physically locked out but remain digitally present, a silent witness to your most private moments.

Taking immediate and decisive action to perform a complete “digital and physical lock change” on your entire home environment is an essential, non-negotiable security measure to protect your safety, your privacy, and the integrity of your legal case.

Your 3-Step Home Security Action Plan to Reclaim Your Privacy

This action plan is designed to guide you through a systematic process of identifying every potential vulnerability and methodically severing every unauthorized connection to your home. Follow these steps in order to build a secure perimeter around your physical and digital life.

Step 1: Conduct a “Smart Home Security Audit”: Identify Every Point of Entry

You cannot secure what you do not know exists. The first and most critical step is to conduct a thorough inventory of every connected device in and around your home. Many of these devices become so integrated into our daily lives that we forget they are potential points of access for others. The greatest vulnerability often lies in the technology that has become functionally invisible through routine use. This audit is a crucial exercise to counteract that psychological blind spot, forcing you to re-evaluate your environment through a security lens.

Walk through your home, room by room, and create a physical checklist of every device that is connected to your Wi-Fi network or has remote access capabilities. This process of creating a digital inventory is the foundation for your security and separation. Use the following categories to ensure you do not miss anything:

• Network Infrastructure:
  • Wi-Fi Router (The central hub for all other devices).
• Surveillance and Monitoring:
  • Video Doorbells (e.g., Ring, Google Nest, Eufy).
  • Exterior Security Cameras (e.g., Arlo, Blink, Wyze).
  • Interior Security Cameras (often used as “nanny cams” or pet monitors).
  • Baby Monitors with Wi-Fi connectivity.
• Physical Access Systems:
  • Smart Locks (e.g., August, Nest x Yale, Schlage).
  • Garage Door Openers (including remote clickers, exterior keypads, and built-in car buttons).
• Home Environment and Automation:
  • Smart Thermostats (e.g., Google Nest, Ecobee, Honeywell).
  • Smart Lighting Systems (e.g., Philips Hue).
  • Smart Speakers and Displays (e.g., Amazon Echo/Alexa, Google Nest/Home, Apple HomePod).
• Entertainment and Data Hubs:
  • Smart TVs.
  • Shared Streaming Service Accounts (e.g., Netflix, Amazon Prime, Hulu, Spotify).
  • Shared Cloud Storage Accounts (e.g., iCloud, Google Drive, Dropbox, Microsoft OneDrive).
• Personal and Wearable Technology:
  • Fitness Trackers and Smartwatches (e.g., Apple Watch, Fitbit), which can share location and activity data.

For each item on your list, you must ask a new, critical question: “Who else has the password or access to this?” Only by identifying every potential digital doorway can you ensure they are all securely locked.

Step 2: Perform a Digital and Physical Lock Change

This is the most critical and action-oriented phase of securing your home. For each device identified in your audit, you must take deliberate steps to revoke all access for your former partner. Many smart home ecosystems were designed for a cohesive family unit and often lack a simple, robust “evict user” function. The systems prioritize convenience over security in separation scenarios. You cannot assume a logical or user-friendly process exists. When in doubt, the most secure option—a full factory reset—is always the best course of action, as it provides a clean slate and guarantees that all previous connections are severed.

The Wi-Fi Router

Your Wi-Fi router is the gateway to every smart device in your home. If your ex-partner has access to its settings, they can control your entire network. Securing it is the absolute first priority.

1. Change the Wi-Fi Network Password: This is the password you use to connect your phone, laptop, and smart devices to the internet. Changing it will disconnect all devices, including any your ex may still be using. You will need to reconnect your own devices using the new password.
2. Change the Router’s Administrator Password: This is a separate, often-overlooked password used to log in to the router’s settings panel itself. If your ex knows this password, they can see every device connected to your network, change the Wi-Fi password back, or lock you out entirely. The default administrator username and password are often printed on a sticker on the router itself. You must log in to the router’s administration page (usually by typing an IP address into a web browser) and change this default password immediately.

Security Cameras and Video Doorbells

These devices pose the most direct threat of surveillance, allowing an ex-partner to monitor your activities, listen to conversations, and observe who visits your home. Simply changing the main account password is often not enough, as access may have been granted through a “Shared User” feature. You must actively remove their specific access or reset the device completely.

The process for revoking access is highly brand-specific. The table below provides a quick-reference guide, followed by more detailed explanations.

• For Ring Devices: The primary owner of the account must navigate into the app, select the specific device, go to “Shared Access,” tap on the user to be removed, and select “Remove User”.¹⁶ However, an essential second step is to go to the Control Center in the app menu, select “Authorized Client Devices,” and tap “Remove All Devices.” This forces a log-out on any phone, tablet, or computer that may still have a saved session, closing a critical backdoor.
• For Google Nest Devices: Unlike some other systems, Nest’s security model is often tied to the device’s primary ownership. Simply removing a “home member” may not be sufficient. The guaranteed method is a two-step process. First, you must remove the camera or doorbell from your account within the Google Home or Nest app. This will delete all of its recorded video history. Second, you must perform a physical factory reset on the device itself. This usually involves pressing a small, recessed button or pinhole on the device for 10-12 seconds until you hear a confirmation tone or see a specific light pattern. This second step is non-negotiable, as it is the only way to completely disassociate the device from the previous owner’s account.
• For Blink, Eufy, and Other Brands: Check the app for a “Shared Access,” “Manage Users,” or “Manage Mobile Devices” section. From there, you should be able to revoke access for any unrecognized users or devices. If you cannot find such an option or are unsure if access has been fully revoked, the most secure course of action is to perform a factory reset on the camera and set it up from scratch, ideally creating a brand new account with a new email address that your ex has never had access to.

Smart Thermostats, Locks, and Speakers

These devices can be used for active harassment. An ex could remotely crank up the heat in the summer, unlock your front door at night, or use a smart speaker to play unsettling sounds or communicate with people in the home without your consent.

• Smart Thermostats (e.g., Google Nest): Similar to Nest cameras, access is tied to the account that set up the device. You must perform a factory reset directly on the thermostat unit. This can typically be done through the settings menu on the device itself by selecting “Reset” and then “Account Connection” or “All Settings”. This will disconnect it from the previous account, allowing you to set it up as a new device on your own account.
• Smart Locks: This is a critical physical security risk. For many smart locks, simply removing the device from the app is insufficient; previously programmed access codes may continue to work. You must perform a factory reset on the lock itself. This process will clear all existing user codes and master codes, forcing you to reprogram access for only yourself and trusted individuals. Consult the manufacturer’s instructions for the specific reset procedure.
• Smart Speakers and Displays (Amazon Echo, Google Home): These devices are deeply integrated with a user’s personal account, including calendars, contacts, and messaging capabilities. They must be factory reset to sever the connection to an ex-partner’s account. This usually involves pressing a combination of buttons (like the volume down and microphone mute buttons) on the device for about 15 seconds until it announces that it is resetting.

Garage Door Openers

A garage door is a primary entry point to your home, and access is often overlooked. An ex-partner may still have a remote clicker in their car, a code programmed into their vehicle’s built-in opener, or knowledge of the exterior keypad code. You must erase all existing access and start fresh.

1. Locate the “Learn” Button: You will need a stepladder to safely access the garage door opener’s motor unit, which is mounted on the ceiling of your garage. On the motor unit, there will be a small button, often labeled “Learn” or “Program.” It may be next to a small LED light and is sometimes located behind the plastic light cover, which may need to be removed.
2. Erase the Opener’s Memory: This is the most important step. Press and hold the “Learn” button for approximately 10-15 seconds, or until the adjacent LED light turns off. This action erases the memory of the unit, de-linking all remote controls, all vehicle-integrated buttons, and the exterior keypad. Test this by trying an old remote; it should no longer work.
3. Reprogram ONLY Your Devices: Now that the memory is clear, you must reprogram only the devices you control. Press and release the “Learn” button briefly (do not hold it down). The LED light will typically turn on or start blinking. You then have about 30 seconds to press the button on the remote control you wish to program. The motor unit’s main lights will usually flash or you will hear a click to confirm the remote has been successfully re-linked. Repeat this for each remote you wish to use.
4. Set a New Keypad Code: Go to the exterior keypad and follow the manufacturer’s instructions to set a new, private PIN that your ex-partner does not know.

Step 3: Extend the “Digital Eviction” to All Shared Services

Once your physical home is secure, you must extend the security perimeter to the digital services that can paint a detailed picture of your new life. Your daily routine and lifestyle choices are a form of data. While a camera provides a literal window into your home, access to shared online accounts can provide data points that, when combined, may be used to build an equally intrusive narrative about your activities, finances, and relationships.

• Cloud Storage (iCloud, Google Drive, Dropbox): An ex with access to a shared cloud account can see newly uploaded photos, sensitive legal or financial documents, and even track your location through photo geotags. Review the sharing settings for every single folder and album. Revoke access for your ex-partner’s email address on all shared items. For maximum security, stop using any shared folders and move your important files to a new, private folder structure. Check any automatic camera roll backup settings to ensure your new photos are not syncing to a place your ex can still see.
• Streaming Services (Netflix, Amazon Prime, Spotify): These seemingly harmless accounts can reveal significant personal information. They can show what you are watching or listening to, which can hint at your emotional state or new interests. More importantly, they often show the location and IP address of recent logins, revealing when you are home or if you are staying at a new location. They are also frequently tied to shared credit cards or bank accounts. Do not simply change the password on a shared account. The best practice is to log out of all devices, cancel the shared plan, and start a new, individual subscription under your own name and payment method.
• Shared Calendars: A shared digital calendar is a direct window into your schedule. It can reveal appointments with your Oklahoma divorce attorney, therapy sessions, social plans with friends, and your children’s activities. Ensure you have stopped sharing your personal calendar and are no longer subscribed to any calendar controlled by your ex.
• Shared Computers and Tablets: If you are still using a shared “family” computer or tablet, you must assume it is compromised. At a minimum, you must clear all of your saved data. Go into the settings of every web browser (Chrome, Safari, Firefox) and clear the browsing history, download history, cookies, and especially the auto-fill form data. Go into the password manager for each browser and manually delete every saved login and password associated with your personal accounts. The safest course of action, however, is to stop using any shared device for sensitive communications and purchase a new, secure computer or tablet for your own use.

Your Safety and Privacy are Non-Negotiable

In today’s hyper-connected world, achieving true separation after a divorce requires more than just dividing physical property and finances. Your digital independence is just as critical as your financial and physical independence. The convenience of a modern smart home can quickly become a liability, but by taking the deliberate, methodical steps outlined in this guide, you can sever those connections and reclaim your sanctuary.

You have now performed a comprehensive audit, identified your vulnerabilities, and systematically changed the digital and physical locks on your home. This isa rational and necessary act of self-preservation. By taking these proactive measures, you are not just protecting your privacy—you are actively protecting your legal rights, your personal safety, and the integrity of your case. You are taking back control of your environment and your life.

Do not wait to be a victim of digital surveillance or harassment. Secure your home today. Take control now.